The Sensualism of Gossip: Why It Feels So Good—and Why It Is So Dangerous

The Sensualism of Gossip: Why It Feels So Good—and Why It Is So Dangerous

Gossip is one of the most common sins in the church, yet one of the least discussed. We readily recognize sins like adultery or murder, but gossip often slips by unnoticed because it can sound spiritual, harmless, or even helpful. Scripture, however, paints a very different picture.

Why Gossip Is So Attractive

Proverbs describes gossip as a “dainty morsel”—something that is pleasurable to consume (Proverbs 18:8; 26:22). Gossip appeals to our sinful nature because it satisfies our curiosity, feeds our pride, and gives us the thrill of possessing “inside information.”  Many church splits began as harmless "conversations."

It feels satisfying because it:

• Makes us feel important or “in the know.”
• Provides excitement beyond the routine of everyday life.
• Gives us opportunities to judge others while subtly elevating ourselves.

Like forbidden fruit, gossip offers temporary pleasure while producing lasting destruction.

What Is Gossip?

Biblically, gossip involves spreading personal, private, or damaging information—whether true or false—that serves selfish purposes rather than loving one’s neighbor.

The defining issue is not simply whether the information is accurate. True information can still be gossip if it unnecessarily damages someone’s reputation, betrays confidence, or stirs division.

A helpful few questions to ask are: Am I becoming part of the solution, or am I simply spreading the problem?  In view of my role, is this something I should be inserting myself in?

If sharing the information does not lovingly help resolve the issue in a biblical, God-honoring manner, it likely has crossed into gossip.

Common Forms of Gossip

Gossip often disguises itself in respectable clothing.

One familiar example is the “prayer request” that includes unnecessary details about another person’s failures. While presented as concern, it may simply become a socially acceptable way to spread private information.

Another common misconception is believing that withholding confidential information is dishonest. Scripture teaches the opposite. Faithful friends protect confidences. Not every story belongs to us to tell.  Betrayed confidentiality can create relational problems and trust issues for years to come.

Wisdom knows when to speak—and when loving silence honors God.

The Destructive Power of Gossip

Gossip damages far more than reputations.

It destroys trust, fractures friendships, divides churches, ends pastorates, and weakens ministries. Like a spark that ignites a forest fire, one careless conversation can create consequences far beyond what anyone intended.

Once words are released, they cannot easily be retrieved.

A Matter of Discipleship

Overcoming gossip requires more than simply speaking less. It requires spiritual transformation.

Believers should regularly examine their own hearts by asking:

• Am I sharing unverified information?
• Am I saying this to build someone up or tear someone down?
• Am I trying to make myself appear wiser, more important, or more righteous?
• Would I say these same words if the person were standing beside me?

Discipleship also involves becoming a godly listener. When someone begins sharing gossip, love sometimes means graciously stopping the conversation:

“I don’t think we should be talking about this. Have you spoken to that person directly?”  

One pastor suggests giving a Christian gossip two days to inform the person who was being talked about behind his or back that I said this and this to so and so last night.  If you don't, I will.  Gossip culture in the church is a weed that spreads and kills.  By refusing to participate, we prevent gossip from spreading further.

Poisoning the Wells: Why Character Assassination Is Satan’s Most Effective Weapon

Brook Moes warns that, "Character assassination is one of the most destructive forces in Satan’s arsenal because it dismantles the very foundation of persuasion.

Consider this: A person may possess extraordinary logos (profound knowledge, sharp intellect, and the rare ability to articulate truth with clarity and precision). They may also carry remarkable pathos (the emotional depth, sincerity, and charisma that can stir hearts and move people toward conviction).

Yet if their character (ethos) is successfully slandered, all of that power evaporates.

Their words, even if they were speaking the very oracles of God, will be rejected outright. The truth that could rescue a soul, revive a church, or even preserve a nation falls on deaf ears.

This is no accident. Scripture identifies Satan as “the accuser of the brethren,” and his very name means “slanderer.” From the very beginning in Eden, his strategy has been the same: undermine trust in the Messenger so that the Message is never received. “Has God really said…?”

This is why we must be extraordinarily careful. Before we lend any credibility to accusations against someone’s character (especially public accusations) we should demand clear, demonstrable, and widely corroborated evidence, preferably from their own words or actions. And even then, we should recognize in this day how easily words and situations can be twisted in an era of such group think.

Conspiracy theories, lingering bitterness, and reckless slander are slowing the advance of the Gospel in our day just as effectively as false teaching and wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Be slow to believe the worst about others, whether they stand on a national platform or sit in the pew beside you. The enemy is a master at poisoning wells. Don’t become his unwitting accomplices."

Why Church Hurt Follows You—and How God Heals What People Broke

Why Church Hurt Follows You—and How God Heals What People Broke

By Pastor Ethan Jago

"Let’s talk about church hurt—not the light kind you can brush off with Church folks be church-folkin’—but the kind that hits your chest, makes you question God, and has you halfway out the door every Sunday, at least on the inside. Church hurt is pain that happens in the context of spiritual community, through pastors, leaders, members, systems, or even theology used and applied the wrong way. It hits differently because you didn’t just trust these people with your time; you trusted them with your soul. You tied their words and actions to God’s name, so when they failed you, it felt like God had failed you, too. If nobody else gets why you still wrestle with it, I do.

The tricky thing about church hurt is that it doesn’t stay at the old church; if you aren’t careful, it packs its bags and moves with you to the new one. You walk through new doors with walls, not just wisdom. You find yourself scanning everything: How do they handle money? Who really has the power here? What do they believe about leaders, about women, about accountability? When people are kind, you become skeptical, wondering what they really want. Wisdom is a gift, but living in suspicion all the time is exhausting. Scripture says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Prov 4:23). Guarding your heart is not the same as locking it behind concrete and barbed wire so no one ever gets close again.

Without even meaning to, you start to isolate yourself while calling it “being cautious.” You come late and leave early. You avoid small groups and serving because those spaces require vulnerability. You keep the conversation on the surface: work is fine, God is good, life is okay. On the outside, you say, “I’m just observing,” but on the inside, what you really mean is, “If I don’t attach, you can’t abandon me.” The enemy loves that, because isolation makes your unchallenged thoughts sound more and more like the truth. God designed you for connection, not constant self-protection, which is why the Bible encourages believers not to give up meeting together, but to encourage one another (Heb 10:25). Community isn’t just a church program; it’s part of your spiritual survival.

Then there’s the part nobody likes to admit: we start projecting old pain and unmet expectations onto new people. A leader doesn’t text you back, and your heart immediately says, “See, they don’t care about you either.” Someone forgets your name, and you decide, “I’m invisible. Same story, new church.” The pastor preaches on giving, and your mind screams, “Here we go, another manipulator.” Here is an item of critical importance: you’re not just responding to the new church, you’re reacting to the old one through them. Unmet expectations from the past start running the show.

A real pastor would have checked on me.
A real friend would know what I need without me explaining.
A real church family wouldn’t let that happen.

You start expecting people to read your mind, heal your past, and never mess up in the exact area where you were wounded. That’s not a realistic community; that’s a setup, because you’re demanding perfection from humans who can’t give it. The Bible tells us to “bear with each other and forgive one another” and to forgive as the Lord forgave us (Col 3:13). That means making room for humanity, even when you’re still healing.

The painful twist is that unhealed hurt doesn’t just sit quietly; it leaks, and without meaning to, you create new hurt in new places. You might come off cold, guarded, or distant. You assume the worst, so your responses are sharp, or you vanish without explanation. You “test” people to see if they’ll fail you, and of course, they eventually do, because everyone fails someone at some point. Then you say, “This is exactly why I don’t fool with church people.” But sometimes what you’re labeling as rejection is just the natural distance created by the walls you built. Sometimes the hurt isn’t an intentional wound; it’s a miscommunication. This isn’t about blaming you for other people’s behavior. It’s about giving you your power back, so what they did doesn’t control the rest of your story.

You are not alone. Many within the context of the church have gone through some form of church hurt; however, you can either make it your identity or seek the Lord’s guidance to help you move forward.

God Comes Near and Heals

7 blessings of having consecutive expository preaching as the staple diet for God's people

In his helpful little book “the Priority of Preaching” Christopher Ash provides “7 blessings of having consecutive expository preaching as the staple diet on the menu for the people of God.”  Verse by verse preaching (aka sequential expository preaching) has a number of built in benefits.  

Ash highlights the following 7 benefits:

1) Consecutive Expository Preaching Safeguards God's Agenda Against Being Hijacked by Ours. 

 In biblical ministry I want to get rid of three demons. They are called Relevance, Entertainment, and Immediacy…To preach through a Bible book is to trust that the agenda of God is the right, the deepest, and the best agenda" (pp. 111-12).

2) Consecutive Expository Preaching Makes It Harder For Us to Abuse the Bible by Reading It Out of Context.

Consecutive Bible exposition helps us understand the Bible in its context and therefore understand it correctly, and not to abuse the Word of God by twisting it to mean something other than what God has made it mean" (p. 116). 2 Timothy 2:15.

3) Consecutive Expository Preaching Dilutes the Selectivity of the Preacher. 

This does not mean the pastor should never address a particular need within his unique ministerial context. One need not be slavishly committed to the ‘lectio continua’ method of preaching. We simply need to give God the microphone and trust that 2 Timothy 3:15-17 is really not a typo. If all Scripture is divinely inspired and profitable then our people need to hear the full counsel and revealed will of God.

4) Consecutive Expository Preaching Keeps the Context of the Sermon Fresh and Surprising.

Philemon 1:25- A Final Plea for Daily Grace!

A Final Plea for Daily Grace!

The famed commentator R. C. H. Lenski once described Philemon as “Paul’s loveliest epistle.” Bengel wrote that this brief letter “far surpasses all the wisdom of the world.”

After spending considerable time working our way through this little letter, I can understand why.

Philemon is only twenty-five verses long, yet it contains a profound picture of the gospel at work in real life. It is a story about a runaway, renegade slave named Onesimus, a Christian master and faithful churchman named Philemon, and an aging and imprisoned apostle named Paul who finds himself standing in the middle of a broken relationship and a very messy situation.

But more than that, Philemon is a story about grace.

Paul's letter begins with grace and peace in verse 3, and it ends with grace in verse 25:

“The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.”

What a fitting way to conclude this remarkable letter!

Paul's final words are a final plea for daily grace.  And, dear friend, this is no small thing.

We Need Grace (so much more than we often realize it)

Like Philemon and the ordinary believers who gathered with him at Colossae, we desperately need God's daily grace.

Paul's final prayer is addressed to Philemon, but the word “your” is plural. His prayer reaches beyond the primary recipient of the letter and extends to the entire Christian community.

It reaches us as well.

We are debtors of God's grace.

There is not a single heartbeat or breath that does not ultimately depend upon the sustaining grace of God. Jesus Christ is the Creator and Sustainer of all things. Apart from His providential grace, we would not take another breath or ever cross the finish line.

And for the Christian, God's grace is not merely necessary at conversion.

There is no justification apart from redeeming grace.

There is no progressive sanctification apart from sanctifying grace.

There is no final glorification apart from future grace.

The Christian life begins with grace, continues by grace, and ends in grace. From A-Z the Christian life is truly all of grace.

The apostle Paul understood this personally. In 1 Corinthians 15:10 he wrote:

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain.”

Paul labored tirelessly for Christ, but he was careful to give the credit where it belonged: “Yet not I, but the grace of God with me.”

That is the testimony of every faithful Christian.  Like John Newton every Christian ought to humbly confess, “I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”

Whatever usefulness we have in the kingdom of God is ultimately the result of God's grace.

Grace Brings Peace

One of the overarching themes of Philemon is this: Grace from God through the Lord Jesus Christ ought to bring peace with God and with one another ( note also Colossians 3:12-16)

Philemon 1:24b- Faithful Partners in the Gospel: Loyal Luke and Disloyal Demas

History is filled with names that inspire us—and names that serve as cautionary tales.

When Americans hear the name George Washington, we think of courage, perseverance, and leadership. When we hear the name Benedict Arnold, we immediately think of disloyalty and betrayal. The same Revolutionary War that revealed the exemplary character of Washington also exposed the heart of Arnold.

The Christian life is no different.

Times of suffering and hardship have a way of revealing what lies beneath the surface. Trials expose whether our deepest affection belongs to Christ or to this present world. 

Satan informed God that Job only worships Him because of all the blessings he enjoys (wealth, health, respect and fame).  Take those gifts away and Job will abandon You (God) and curse your holy Name.  Few saints are taken through a job-like time of testing.

As noted earlier, trials expose whether our deepest affection belongs to Christ or to this present world. Few biblical examples illustrate this truth more vividly than Luke and Demas.

Their names appear together in Paul's letters. Both traveled with the apostle. Both witnessed the advance of the gospel. Both appeared to be trusted ministry partners.

Yet by the end of Paul's life, one remained faithfully at his side while the other abandoned him.

The difference was not opportunity.

The difference was affection.

A person's true spiritual condition is ultimately revealed by what he loves most (note also John 21).

Luke loved Christ. Demas loved this present world.

Their choices and the path they ultimately choose to travel upon revealed their hearts.

---

I. Luke: The Quiet Faithfulness That God Delights to Honor

One of the most remarkable things about Luke is how little he says about himself.

Although he wrote both the Gospel of Luke and Acts—nearly one-fourth of the New Testament—he never draws attention to himself. Instead, he consistently points readers to Christ, to the work of the Holy Spirit, and to other saints.

Pastor John MacArthur: Longtime Pastor, Mentor, and Friend!

“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the Word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith” (Hebrews 13:7). “Imitate me, (in so much) as I imitate Christ.” The Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 11:1.

When it comes to ministry mentors and pastoral role-models: Choose wisely!  For “the student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will become like their teacher.” Luke 6:40.

Dr. John MacArthur became my pastor in 1991.  I still consider him to be my primary ministry mentor, my faithful shepherd, and my humble friend.  Pastor John has been the lead shepherd at Grace Community Church steadily leading the same flock for over fifty years now; (he began his ministry at GCC in 1969)!  When my entire family moved from Wisconsin Rapids to Los Angeles in the early 90’s, little did I know the impact Pastor John MacArthur would have on my life, my wife/family, and on my own future pastoral ministry.  How could I? Seeing I was not genuinely converted until Jr. High (and only God knows the future).  Looking back, one of the greatest privileges in my life was growing up at Grace Community Church, sitting under the expository preaching ministry of John MacArthur, and attending the Master’s University and Seminary.  Here I learned the in’s and out’s of biblical Christianity and the ABC’s of pastoral ministry and expository preaching.  At this faithful church, under this faithful preacher, everything my Christian parents taught me from Scripture was reinforced and fortified (2 Timothy 3:15-4:5).

Over the past thirty years I have corresponded back and forth with Pastor MacArthur often via handwritten letters.  Despite an unbelievably demanding ministry schedule, Pastor John has always taken time to write me back (albeit sometimes through his church secretary).  As a child/teenager many of my chicken scratch notes included "difficult" bible questions, such as, “Pastor, how do you explain the discrepancies with regard to numbers recorded in the same bible verse in different bible translations?”  “Dear Pastor John, if God is absolutely sovereign, how do we reconcile ____.”  After many gracious and thoroughly biblical responses I realized that it was unlikely that I would be able to stump (my) Pastor John.   

In the 90’s my (pastor) father had the privilege of serving as missions/outreach pastor (while attending seminary) and I had the honor of serving as a deacon (a decade or so later).  During college, when the Lord changed my career trajectory from sports broadcasting to pastoral ministry/preaching, my love and appreciation for Pastor John MacArthur increased a hundred-fold.  He was now not only my favorite preacher, he was also a ministry hero in the faith.  Like Dr. Lloyd-Jones, Pastor John was a lion in the pulpit and a lamb outside of it when interacting with his beloved congregation.  As I was able to see him live out his faith in private (doing life with his children and grandchildren) my respect for him only grew.  Like my own father, he was the same godly man at home as he was behind the pulpit.

One of the most memorable highlights of our married life is when Pastor John and Patricia visited our 1-bedroom dorm apartment (see picture above) for dinner before I graduated from seminary and moved to the Midwest to pastor a local church.  

Suffice it to say, no “jar of clay” has had a greater impact on my pulpit ministry, my theological convictions, and my (biblical) philosophy of ministry than Pastor John MacArthur.  This partially explains why Andrea and I named our son Jude MacArthur Kolstad. 

Many people who find/visit the churches I joyfully pastor do so via the Master’s Seminary church finder or by calling “Grace to You.”  It's a tremendous stewardship and honor to receive referrals from any of Pastor John’s ministry volunteers, staff pastors, or university/seminary professors (1 Corinthians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:11).  To be called a "Master's man" is a great privilege and a great responsibility.

In view of the massive influence of The Master’s Seminary/University and Pastor John MacArthur on me (and all of our pastors) we believe it is quite fitting to highlight this special relationship on my ministry blog page and church website.

Included are a few of my favorite memories/pictures with Pastor John; (Unfortunately, I did not save any letters from my childhood/teen years).

Article originally posted 5/11/23

Philemon 1:24- Mark: The Tragic Failure, Restored Partnership, Recognized Usefulness Story

Mark: A Painful Failure…An Unexpected Parting of Ways...and a Powerful Restoration!

Philemon 1:24

Pastoral ministry is not just marked by joy (high highs). It is also marked by disappointment (low lows). Church hurt is sadly an all too common experience.

Faithful men sometimes falter.  Trusted partners sometimes walk away.  Ministry friendships sometimes crumble. 

And when they do—it doesn’t just affect relationships.  It affects the work.  

Not surprising then, Satan and his minions work overtime trying to discourage, distract, and divide the Lord's people (hence Ephesians 4:1-32 and Colossians 3:12-17). One Christian author rightly notes, "Satan always divides when he is most afraid of ministry multiplication...If Satan can't stop us, then he will work overtime to divide us."  The moment you put your guard down is the second the forces of darkness move in.

Paul was not immune to these struggles.  He too experienced shocking heartbreak (see 2 Corinthians).  He too was abandoned. He too made mistakes.  He too endured relational falling outs.

Such things should not catch us by complete surprise. The Scriptures and church history remind us that "the best of men are still men at best." All men, includes the legendary Paul, and every other Christian leader. They too are "men at best."  

In my own life, some of my longtime ministry role models changed over time or proved not to be who I thought they were.  Initially, I was completely devastated.  In moments of despair the Holy Spirit reminded me that Jesus and Jesus alone is the perfect, never failing, Good Shepherd! He alone is the (great) Hero of heaven (see Revelation 5)!  He alone is Faithful and ever True. "What a (perfect) Friend we have in Jesus." He is unrivaled! But back to Philemon.

A Failure That Couldn’t Be Ignored (at least not by Paul)

When Paul lists his fellow workers in Philemon 1:23-24, one name really stands out: "Mark."

Mark's story doesn’t start here, however.  In Acts 13, Mark joins Paul and Barnabas on an important missionary journey.   Later, this theological powerhouse team stood shoulder to shoulder at the Jerusalem Council (Acts 15). Paul and Barnabas functioned as the original dynamic duo! A formidable force.

But---something unexpected occurs.  

Earlier in the story, Mark turned back. He walked away. He abandoned ship.  Scripture doesn’t provide many details. It does show the result.

The work continues. "The show must go on." But now it’s far more challenging.

People often forget that ministry role players, by definition, play vital roles. When someone unexpectedly abandons their ministry post others have to carry extra weight. Productivity and progress can be negatively impacted. Morale often takes a hit.

And that kind of disappointment is not easily forgotten. Those who value loyalty and fortitude as highly as Paul did can feel the apostle's pain.

Mark was someone Paul believed he could count on. Someone he trusted. Someone he invested in.

A Sharp Conflict Between Good and Godly Friends.

By Acts 15, the Mark issue resurfaces.

Barnabas wants Mark to rejoin them. He believed it was time to restore him to ministry.  The son of encouragement may have appealed to the perfect example of the Lord Jesus, who graciously restored Simon Peter, after epic failure(s)- see John 21:15-19; Matthew 26:69-75.  

Paul views things differently and has different plans. And Luke records it plainly in Acts 15: "There arose a very sharp disagreement."

Not mild tension. Not a quiet difference of perspective.  A very sharp conflict. 

Paul likely emphasized faithfulness and fortitude. Barnabas likely emphasized grace, forbearance, and forgiveness.

Both men love Christ, the lost, and the Lord's Church. Both men want the gospel to advance. Both men want Jesus to be cherished and glorified! 

And yet—they lock horns and eventually they divide and go separate ways!  

Philemon 1:22- Confident Faith and Prayerful Optimism

"At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you." — Philemon 22

One of the most fascinating aspects of the Christian life is prayer.  Every day believers ask God to accomplish things that only He can do.

We pray for prodigals to repent and believe the gospel. We pray for broken relationships to be restored. We pray for missionaries serving in dangerous places. We pray for persecuted believers to stand firm. We pray for revival in our churches and spiritual awakening in our nation.

In short, we regularly ask God to intervene in God-like ways.

And yet, sometimes when the Almighty answers our prayers according to His all-wise and sovereign will, we are almost shocked by His response.

The believers gathered in Acts 12 provide a memorable example.  King Herod had arrested Peter and placed him under heavy guard. The situation appeared hopeless. Humanly speaking, Peter's future looked bleak. Yet the church did exactly what Christians should do in moments of crisis.

They prayed.

Luke tells us that "prayer for him was being made fervently by the church to God" (Acts 12:5).

Then God did the impossible.

An angel appeared in Peter's prison cell. Chains fell from his hands. Guards were bypassed. Prison doors opened. Peter walked out a free man.

What happened next is almost humorous.  Peter arrived at the very house where believers were gathered for prayer. When Rhoda recognized his voice at the gate, she was so excited that she forgot to let him in. She ran to tell everyone that Peter was outside.

Their response?  "You are out of your mind!" (Acts 12:15).

The church had been praying fervently for Peter's release, yet they struggled to believe God had actually answered their prayers.

If we are honest, we often find ourselves in the same position.

We pray. We ask. We seek. We knock.

Yet when God answers, we sometimes react with surprise.

Like the father in Mark 9, we find ourselves saying, "I do believe; help my unbelief."