How Can I Pray for My Spouse?

How Can I Pray for My Spouse?

Praying for our spouse combines the two most important relationships in our lives: our covenant with God and our covenant with our spouse. These two covenants are the bedrock of creation before the fall, and the marriage covenant in particular is the primary illustration for understanding much of redemptive history (Eph. 5:22–33). It is only fitting that our marriages would be marked by that same activity—prayer—that marks Christ’s marriage to the church.

But just as pride was the sin that undermined both Edenic covenants, it skews our prayers for our spouse. So often our prayers for our spouse start with what we want changed about them. But Scripture teaches that we are going to be the biggest influence for sanctification in our spouse’s life. A husband who prays for his wife that she would be loved by a husband who grows in holiness all his days prays a good prayer and is its own answer. The biggest answer God may provide as we pray for our spouse may be to change us, not him or her.

But there is a place to consider what specifically we can pray for our spouse. Second Peter 3:18 is a great place to start: “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Pray for your spouse’s growth in the grace of Jesus, that repentance and deep joy in the gospel would mark his or her life. Pray for your spouse’s increasing knowledge of Jesus, that his or her study of the Bible, at home and under Lord’s Day preaching, would reveal more truth to him or her about our great Savior.

A Friendly Letter to Single Christian Ladies Regarding Romance and Relationships

The author of this article-A Knight in Shining Armor: An Open Letter- is a faithful church member and friend.  As a young professional and Christian single who is actively living according to the Good Book Dan understands what matters most when it comes to the life long covenant of marriage.  

The author of this article does not think pursuing someone that you're attracted to and have things in common with is wrong.  This article simply seeks to show what is of greater important in the eyes of God.  He encourages young ladies to value and prioritize things in a wise and biblical manner.  As my college pastor Rick Holland often said, "Choose who you love wisely and love whom you choose unconditionally" and "Every date is a potential mate."

"A Knight in Shining Armor: A Letter

Dear Sister in Christ,

I write to you as a brother in Christ who is concerned about the majority of men you are pursuing. It is said that every young girl dreams of finally meeting her knight in shining armor who fights dragons and is heroic. However, somewhere along the way, popular movies and TV shows distort this ideal by either denying the pursuit of such an ideal or by redefining what it means to be a knight in shining armor. Many woman fall for the “new” definition of a knight. It is defined as a man that: has an impeccable fashion sense, is an avid gamer, is a hero with alcohol, has a chiseled physique, has a high paying job, has Hollywood looks, has the game of a contestant on the Bachelorette, can woo you with love songs on a piano or guitar, and is an adventurous “bad” boy.

So you want a man with a sense of fashion?  Does he put on a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, love, and ultimately the Lord Jesus Christ (Colossians 3:12-15; Romans 13:14)?

So you want a man that slays dragons?  Does he slay imaginary dragons on his TV or does he war against the Dragon of this world (Ephesians 6:10-12)?

So you want a man that is heroic?  Does he “heroically” mix drinks or is he filled with the power of the Holy Spirit and is a man that boldly proclaims the gospel (Isaiah 5:22; Ephesians 5:18; Romans 1:16-17)?

Christian Marriage: A Blessed Covenant Celebration

Andrea and I met Anna when she was only 15- she's now 25 and as of 3:00pm today she is married to a godly young man! The Jungles family are some of the most committed believers we know. Though we no longer serve together in the same local church they will no doubt remain lifelong friends.

My wife and I had the joy of doing premarital counseling with Justin and Anna.  Since biblical marriage is for life it is wise to do something like this before saying "I do."

On Saturday June 16th I officiated their wedding. It was an honor and privilege to have a part in this sacred ceremony. Christian marriage is truly a wonderful grace of life!

Christian Marriage- "A Wonderful Grace of Life"

Andrea and I have known the Jungles family for 10+ years now.  They are as faithful of a family as you will find (Eph 5-6).  They are the kind of sheep that making shepherding a joy- and not grievous to the soul (per Heb. 13:17).  Even though we now live in Wisconsin they remain good friends.  We are blessed to know them.

It was my wife and I's great joy to do biblical, pre-marital counseling with Anna Jungles (who we've known for a decade) and with her husband to be- Justin Hauck (who we now know better). 

By the time you finish premarital counseling you want to feel confident that the "couple to be" understands why God invented marriage, what their respective roles are, etc.  We are excited to celebrate with them next Saturday.  Christian marriage is surely one of the wonderful "graces of life." 

We believe the Lord has brought them together to "have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do they part!"

Intervening in Crisis Marriages

Photo Credit: Muzmatch

Intervening in Crisis Marriages by Dr. Ernie Baker.

"The situation could be a shock to the church or it could be a shock to one of the members of the marriage. Either way, something has happened that is now life-threatening for the marital relationship. Over the last year, I (Dr. Baker) have faced more of these relationships than any other time in ministry. As a result, I have spent a significant amount of time thinking of strategies for intervention. What can a church do? Is church discipline/restoration (Matt. 18:15-17; 1 Cor. 5) the only option?[1]

Before we get to some suggested steps, I’ll attempt to define a crisis marriage.  Definition of a Crisis Marriage: I am not using the term crisis marriage to describe a relationship that is having brush fires break out. The marriages I have in mind are full-blown wildfires. Divorce is threatened or papers have actually been filed. Violence has become public. An affair has been revealed. A struggle with a secret sin has become known. Therefore, the crisis marriage is a shock to you or to one of the partners and is causing stress on the marriage so that it is unraveling.

Motivations for Getting Involved: Because marriage represents Christ’s relationship to His Church, it is worth intervening sacrificially. A lot is on the line here, including the name of our Lord. Not only that, but also the health of the couple’s children is at stake. They hear that the gospel is about love and forgiveness and grew up believing their parents actually believed these things, but now they fight rather than offer love and forgiveness. The consequence—children mock Christianity and end up cohabiting because they don’t want the pain of a failed marriage. There are many other reasons to get involved with crisis marriages. For the love of Christ constrains us… (2 Cor. 5:14).

Principles to Help

Remember the advantages of having a one-anothering culture in the church — Within a one-anothering culture, it is much more natural to have the necessary conversations when these crises happen. It is also harder for the people involved to resist if there has been prior investment in the relationship. Maybe the first thing you need to work on in the ministry is one-anothering as a long-term solution to many soul care issues (see Rom. 12:4-21). Your appeal will be potent in the context of personal relationship.

10 Biblical Principles for Marriages and Marriage Counseling

Gospel-Centered Marriages and Marriage Counseling by Dr. Kellemen. 

"I’ve done a lot of marriage counseling lately. Consistent biblical themes keep arising. I’ve collated them into 10 foundational principles for marriages and for marriage counseling. The first 8 principles are for both the husband and wife. The final 2 are more specifically for the husband (# 9) and the wife (# 10).

Notice that the last two principles are where a lot of couples and a lot of counselors start—with biblical roles in marriage. Obviously, this is a vital biblical area. Yet, Paul did not start Ephesians with Ephesians 5:21. He started it with gospel-centered principles of salvation, daily Christian living, and relationships. Then, building upon those foundations, Paul moved toward the roles, responsibilities, and callings of husbands and wives. With these 10 principles, I’ve sought to do the same—laying out a gospel-centered foundation for marriages and marriage counseling. I now regularly hand out these 10 principles as a one-page guide for the couples that I’m counseling. Feel free to do the same—with small margins, you can make these 10 principles all fit on one page! To prove it, click here for your one-page PDF document. You can send it to others using this shortened link: http://bit.ly/MarriageMC10

10 Biblical Principles for Marriages and Marriage Counseling

1. Both of You: Keep Putting Jesus First; Keep Loving Jesus Most: Matthew 22:35-38

Love God most with your most: with all your heart, soul, mind, and spirit. Repent of anything you put on the throne above Jesus. Put Jesus before yourself. Put Jesus before your children, your work, your ministry. Put Jesus before your need to be right. Put Jesus first. Love Jesus most.

2. Both of You: Be Empowered, Changed, and Comforted by the Trinity—Be Filled by the Spirit, Empowered by the Son, and Comforted by the Father: Ephesians 5:18; 6:10-18; 2 Corinthians 1:3-8 

Paul surrounds his marriage counsel with Ephesians 5:18 and 6:10-18. Spouses change as they are filled by the Spirit (5:18). Marriages change as spouses become more like Christ in Christ’s resurrection power (6:10-18). In your marital wounds and hurts, be comforted by the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-8).

3. Both of You: Remember Who Your Enemy Is—Satan!: Ephesians 6:11-12 

Your struggle is not against your spouse. Your enemy is not your spouse. Your joint enemy is Satan! He wants to destroy your marriage. Join together as spiritual warriors to defeat Satan in the Lord’s mighty power.

4. Both of You: Take Personal Responsibility: Joshua 1:6-9; Philippians 4:9

You’ve been given more spiritual tools than most people on the planet. Use them. Be mature and courageous and do what God commands. What you’ve heard in the Word—do! Put it into practice!

An Evangelical Declaration on Marriage: Here We Stand

Official statement from http://erlc.com/ 

The Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission

As evangelical Christians, we dissent from the court’s ruling that redefines marriage. The state did not create the family, and should not try to recreate the family in its own image. We will not capitulate on marriage because biblical authority requires that we cannot. The outcome of the Supreme Court’s ruling to redefine marriage represents what seems like the result of a half-century of witnessing marriage’s decline through divorce, cohabitation, and a worldview of almost limitless sexual freedom. The Supreme Court’s actions pose incalculable risks to an already volatile social fabric by alienating those whose beliefs about marriage are motivated by deep biblical convictions and concern for the common good.

The Bible clearly teaches the enduring truth that marriage consists of one man and one woman. From Genesis to Revelation, the authority of Scripture witnesses to the nature of biblical marriage as uniquely bound to the complementarity of man and woman. This truth is not negotiable. The Lord Jesus himself said that marriage is from the beginning (Matt. 19:4-6), so no human institution has the authority to redefine marriage any more than a human institution has the authority to redefine the gospel, which marriage mysteriously reflects (Eph. 5:32). The Supreme Court’s ruling to redefine marriage demonstrates mistaken judgment by disregarding what history and countless civilizations have passed on to us, but it also represents an aftermath that evangelicals themselves, sadly, are not guiltless in contributing to. Too often, professing evangelicals have failed to model the ideals we so dearly cherish and believe are central to gospel proclamation.

Evangelical churches must be faithful to the biblical witness on marriage regardless of the cultural shift. Evangelical churches in America now find themselves in a new moral landscape that calls us to minister in a context growing more hostile to a biblical sexual ethic. This is not new in the history of the church. From its earliest beginnings, whether on the margins of society or in a place of influence, the church is defined by the gospel. We insist that the gospel brings good news to all people, regardless of whether the culture considers the news good or not.