Intervening in Crisis Marriages

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Intervening in Crisis Marriages by Dr. Ernie Baker.

"The situation could be a shock to the church or it could be a shock to one of the members of the marriage. Either way, something has happened that is now life-threatening for the marital relationship. Over the last year, I (Dr. Baker) have faced more of these relationships than any other time in ministry. As a result, I have spent a significant amount of time thinking of strategies for intervention. What can a church do? Is church discipline/restoration (Matt. 18:15-17; 1 Cor. 5) the only option?[1]

Before we get to some suggested steps, I’ll attempt to define a crisis marriage.  Definition of a Crisis Marriage: I am not using the term crisis marriage to describe a relationship that is having brush fires break out. The marriages I have in mind are full-blown wildfires. Divorce is threatened or papers have actually been filed. Violence has become public. An affair has been revealed. A struggle with a secret sin has become known. Therefore, the crisis marriage is a shock to you or to one of the partners and is causing stress on the marriage so that it is unraveling.

Motivations for Getting Involved: Because marriage represents Christ’s relationship to His Church, it is worth intervening sacrificially. A lot is on the line here, including the name of our Lord. Not only that, but also the health of the couple’s children is at stake. They hear that the gospel is about love and forgiveness and grew up believing their parents actually believed these things, but now they fight rather than offer love and forgiveness. The consequence—children mock Christianity and end up cohabiting because they don’t want the pain of a failed marriage. There are many other reasons to get involved with crisis marriages. For the love of Christ constrains us… (2 Cor. 5:14).

Principles to Help

Remember the advantages of having a one-anothering culture in the church — Within a one-anothering culture, it is much more natural to have the necessary conversations when these crises happen. It is also harder for the people involved to resist if there has been prior investment in the relationship. Maybe the first thing you need to work on in the ministry is one-anothering as a long-term solution to many soul care issues (see Rom. 12:4-21). Your appeal will be potent in the context of personal relationship.

10 Biblical Principles for Marriages and Marriage Counseling

Gospel-Centered Marriages and Marriage Counseling by Dr. Kellemen. 

"I’ve done a lot of marriage counseling lately. Consistent biblical themes keep arising. I’ve collated them into 10 foundational principles for marriages and for marriage counseling. The first 8 principles are for both the husband and wife. The final 2 are more specifically for the husband (# 9) and the wife (# 10).

Notice that the last two principles are where a lot of couples and a lot of counselors start—with biblical roles in marriage. Obviously, this is a vital biblical area. Yet, Paul did not start Ephesians with Ephesians 5:21. He started it with gospel-centered principles of salvation, daily Christian living, and relationships. Then, building upon those foundations, Paul moved toward the roles, responsibilities, and callings of husbands and wives. With these 10 principles, I’ve sought to do the same—laying out a gospel-centered foundation for marriages and marriage counseling. I now regularly hand out these 10 principles as a one-page guide for the couples that I’m counseling. Feel free to do the same—with small margins, you can make these 10 principles all fit on one page! To prove it, click here for your one-page PDF document. You can send it to others using this shortened link: http://bit.ly/MarriageMC10

10 Biblical Principles for Marriages and Marriage Counseling

1. Both of You: Keep Putting Jesus First; Keep Loving Jesus Most: Matthew 22:35-38

Love God most with your most: with all your heart, soul, mind, and spirit. Repent of anything you put on the throne above Jesus. Put Jesus before yourself. Put Jesus before your children, your work, your ministry. Put Jesus before your need to be right. Put Jesus first. Love Jesus most.

2. Both of You: Be Empowered, Changed, and Comforted by the Trinity—Be Filled by the Spirit, Empowered by the Son, and Comforted by the Father: Ephesians 5:18; 6:10-18; 2 Corinthians 1:3-8 

Paul surrounds his marriage counsel with Ephesians 5:18 and 6:10-18. Spouses change as they are filled by the Spirit (5:18). Marriages change as spouses become more like Christ in Christ’s resurrection power (6:10-18). In your marital wounds and hurts, be comforted by the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-8).

3. Both of You: Remember Who Your Enemy Is—Satan!: Ephesians 6:11-12 

Your struggle is not against your spouse. Your enemy is not your spouse. Your joint enemy is Satan! He wants to destroy your marriage. Join together as spiritual warriors to defeat Satan in the Lord’s mighty power.

4. Both of You: Take Personal Responsibility: Joshua 1:6-9; Philippians 4:9

You’ve been given more spiritual tools than most people on the planet. Use them. Be mature and courageous and do what God commands. What you’ve heard in the Word—do! Put it into practice!

What is "Biblical Counseling?" What is it not? (pt. 2)

By the grace of God, Lake Country Bible Church has well trained, ACBC certified biblical counselors and we are in the process of raising up more. These believers seek to use their spiritual gifts to help those in need for the edification of the church and the glory of Jesus Christ (1 Thess. 5:14; Col. 1:28; Eph. 4:11-16; Jude 22-23). Our leadership team is also committed to being "shepherd-leaders" and not just decision makers (1 Peter 5:1-4; 1 Thess. 2:8).

What exactly is true Biblical Counseling? What is it not? 

III. Counseling Practice

In light of these realities, ACBC endorses the following standards of belief and practice for its certified counselors and counseling centers that would care for people diagnosed with the complicated problems identified as mental disorders.

1. Biblical Counselors must acknowledge that human beings struggle with physical and spiritual problems.

2. Biblical counselors shall encourage the use of physical examinations and testing by physicians for diagnosis of medical problems, the treatment of these problems, and the relief of symptoms, which might cause, contribute to, or complicate counseling issues.

3. Biblical counselors shall help their counselees respond biblically to physical problems, but deny that spiritual interventions are the only proper response to problems with a medical element. They reject any teaching, which excludes the importance of the body and the goodness of God, which leads to the blessing of medical care.

4. Biblical counselors reject the notion that medical interventions solve spiritual problems. They embrace the use of medicine for cure and symptom relief, but deny that medical care is sufficient for spiritual problems, which require Christ and his gospel for ultimate relief and lasting change.