Concerning betrayal R.C. Sproul writes, "When I hear that word, I get an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, because betrayal is one of the most devastating experiences any human being can endure" (John commentary, p. 342). C. H. Spurgeon makes this same point in his famous Minister's Fainting Fits lecture.
As I find more articles on the subject of church revitalization and as I privately interact with more pastors who are waist deep in reformation type ministries it is clear to me that the triumphs and tribulations that are summarized in this blog journal are not totally unique. What David graphically describes in Psalm 55:12-14, Jesus Himself experienced in Luke 22, as did Paul in Corinth (note 2 Corinthians 1:23-2:11), and Moses in Numbers 16. Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, What has been will be again, which has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
The pain of personal betrayal is probably the deepest pain that one experiences in pastoral ministry and in life in general. If you doubt this assertion, why do you suppose so many hymns and contemporary praise songs highlight this experience with song lyrics like this: Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
Or this, Let the world despise and leave me, they have left my Savior, too; Human hearts and looks deceive me; Thou art not, like man, untrue; And, while Thou shalt smile upon me, God of wisdom, love, and might, Foes may hate, and friends disown me; Show Thy face, and all is bright.
Or this, Jesus! what a Friend for sinners! Jesus! Lover of my soul; friends may fail me, foes assail me, He, my Savior, makes me whole. Hallelujah! what a Savior! Hallelujah! what a Friend! Saving, helping, keeping, loving, He is with me to the end.
Or this, When friends betray us; when darkness seems to win; we know that pain reminds this heart, that this is not our home; It's not our home; Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops; What if Your healing comes through tears; What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near; What if trials of this life; The rain, the storms, the hardest nights; Are Your mercies in disguise.
It may not be en vogue to be Scripturally authentic today but that is likely one of the main reasons why the most read portion of the Old Testament are the Psalms. Most believers tell me that they love the Psalms because the Psalmist is real and raw as he struggles and wrestles through the mountains and valleys of life in a broken world. The inspired Psalms are as personal as they are practical. Scriptural authenticity is a indeed a rare commodity. C. J. Mahaney presented the most powerful sermon at T4G this year, in large part, because the message from Job came from the heart of a broken and bruised pastor.
In Psalm 55 David offers a prayer psalm to God. Unlike so many American Christians he does not try and sugar coat the internal pain he's working through. In fact, the Psalmist informs us why he is suffering so deeply. Psalm 55:12-14, For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, then I could bear it; Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, My companion and my familiar friend; We who had sweet fellowship together; Walked in the house of God in the throng.
In previous articles I have vaguely discussed the first wave of intense opposition we encountered in our revitalization ministry. Those who attempt to "set in order that which remains" according to the precepts of holy Scripture should expect push back, setbacks, marginalization, and internal opposition. In the words of Thom Rainer, "The change will not be easy. Many will resist it." As painful as some of those words and actions were they were minimal in comparison to my "Black Tuesday" experience. Why? Psalm 55:12-14 hits the nail on the head. The pain of betrayal is probably the deepest of all pains.
In the words of another expositor, You can talk about economic problems. You can talk about the problems of life that come and go in just the normal circumstantial difficulties and they bring us a certain measure of trouble, a certain measure of pain, a certain measure of suffering and anxiety and things like that, but nothing is as painful as the suffering that we endure at the hands of people. And the closer we are to them, the more intimately involved with them, the more we arm them with an arsenal to inflict deep pain on us.
When your friends "despise, forsake thee" what is the biblical solution? How does God want us to respond?
1) Perhaps the most important thing is that we "take it to the Lord in prayer." Psalm 55:22, Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you. Go to God first and often. Plead with God to give ear to your prayers (Psalm 55:1-2). Pour out your soul before His throne room of grace. Remember Christian, we have a great High Priest who can sympathize with our every weakness. Jesus' ministry is better than any other person in the world (even better than your spouse).
2) Trust the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind a strength. Psalm 55:23, But as for me I will trust in Thee. Wait on the Lord's perfect timing; (God's will, God's way, in God's perfect timing).
3) If the Holy Spirit convicts you of any unrepentant sin, confess and forsake it.
4) Confront your betrayer in a biblical manner (Luke 17:3-4, Galatians 6:1-4). Seek the accountable, counsel, and protection of your local church leaders.
5) Pursue biblical reconciliation and extend the present of forgiveness to your offender(s).
6) Resist fleshly temptations to enact personal revenge but also leave room for the wrath and justice of God.
7) Do not expect that those around you will necessarily understand the hurt and pain you are working through (see point two). If God has not taken them through a very similar life/ministry experience they will likely think you are overreacting and may even provide you with well intentioned but very painful counsel (think Job's counselors).
8) Read, pray, and sing your way through the Psalms and the four Gospels as you repeat steps one through six in faith.
At the end of the day, we must embrace the invisible hand of Providence as we place our lives and ministries in the hands of a infinitely gracious and perfectly Sovereign God. God uses trials (even betrayal) to make us more like Jesus. In this we can surely rejoice even in the midst of our own Black Tuesdays.