"My husband, Chris, is a senior pastor and I have seen the best and worst sides of church people. We have been blessed beyond measure (a trip to Paris!) and wounded more deeply than I knew was possible, both through the actions and inactions of people in the pews. Although there can be difficult, unstable, and/or power-hungry people within the walls of the church, most of the heart-level hits a pastor receives are from the “everyday” church member: Words spoken or not spoken. Actions taken or not taken. Groups forming or splitting. All in the name of what they think is best for the church.
Chris and I have loads of pastor friends and I reached out to some pastor’s wives this week to help me with this post. Because as wives, we see what no one else sees. We know what church ministry does to our husbands. How it continues to forever change them and shape them—for good and for ill. As I submit this post, the comments from my pastor’s wife friends are still pouring in. With over 30 wives contributing, the thoughts below are a collaborative effort. Just like any wife would, we long to stand up for our husband, but because he is the pastor we often feel we can’t. It just seems self-serving. We each want to help our husband and support him in a public way but, selfishly, we usually lay low out of fear of putting our own conduct in the cross-hairs, if it is not already.
If you love your pastor and want to bless him this month (and beyond), we urge you to prayerfully consider these three deliberate choices: 1. PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES. HE IS MORE LIKE YOU THAN YOU REALIZE.
He cannot do everything. He does not know all. He cannot read your mind. He does not have complete knowledge of the past (how things “have always been”). He cannot see the future.
He works really, really hard. He’s been trained to do his job (investing 4-8 years in seminary education alone). He doesn’t like people telling him how to do his job (though most of our husbands have never specifically verbalized this, we assume he must feel it.). He needs to hear words of admiration, affirmation and encouragement more than he does criticism. He has personal preferences and there are things about his church that he doesn’t like. “Your pastor’s best will never be enough, but the good news is that he doesn’t need to be Superman.” The Church already has a Savior!
